Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
