i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
