Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
