Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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