Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
