I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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