I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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