Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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