Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
