How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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