My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
