Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
