Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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