His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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