my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
