if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
