Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
