when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
