I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
