I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
