Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
