I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
