I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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