We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
