I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
