Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got inside last night via doggy door
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
