Non-Jews are for practice
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize
