The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
