quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
