that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He passed out mid-signature
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
