i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Pants are for mortals
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
