we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
