Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
