I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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