Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize