He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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