I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
