oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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