We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
