What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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