I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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