I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
