You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize