I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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