I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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