Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
