I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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