It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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