I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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