mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
we're so committed to being not committed
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
