so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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