I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
