I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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