my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
