I just pynch a tree in the face
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
