my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
