Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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