why didn't you poke me back
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
