my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
