so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
