Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
