...so i touched it.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
