If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
