Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
