Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
