i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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